So, we began the discussion on comparisons here, but I just feel like there is more to say about it. Again, I think that may be because I struggle with it so. Honestly, I do less now than I did a few years ago. I think being in 35+ helps me, I think the closer I get to the big 4-0 the stronger I feel that I am okay. So, there is that :)

Regardless of all that, I do feel like we need to talk about it. I see it happening everywhere. I hear us gals talk about it a lot. Even more telling, whenever we hit Lesson 5 of the Everything You Need Bible study in a study group, we always hit a serious nerve. Because of that I think we need to talk about it. We need to challenge each other even. So, let's do. 

There are all kinds of problems with comparing ourselves to each other. It goes both ways. It's damaging whether you are comparing yourself to someone and finding yourself lacking, or if you are comparing and finding them falling short. It can hurt you and the one you are comparing yourself to. 

It can be a terrible use of resources. Goodness. How logical is it for us to spend our precious, limited resources that God can be using to grow us into the "apples" that he wants us to be on trying to be something else? Not much. Consider how many resources we use when we are comparing ourselves. We use our mental and emotional energies, at best. If we take it a bit farther, we may even use time and finances (or other things, there are lots of possibilities) trying to be something we aren't. We may take on tasks that aren't ours to take on, or we may just wish we were. Either way, we are using up resources that aren't meant for that. 

It can distract you from your good work. If you are too worried about what you are not, or what they are doing then you don't have the eyes for your own work. Stop looking at that other tree over there in the orchard. You are an apple. You are your own kind of apple. Don't worry about that they are being. Just be what God has made you. Just work on being what God needs you to be. 

It can be discouraging to them, even if you are the one you find lacking. Have you considered this? I forget this truth at times. But, when we compare ourselves and it causes us to feel discouraged or lacking, we can be taking joy and blessing away from the one we are comparing ourselves to. I can tell you from experience, when a sister feels discouraged by your strengths, it takes the joy away from the good work you are doing. If you are doing what God created you for, and someone even jokingly (or not) says that they feel less or lacking because of that strength, a woman who loves her sisters will surely feel less like exercising those gifts. 

It can affect relationship. This one is really the most damaging, and most hurtful of the implications for comparisons: when our comparisons somehow prevent us from being as close to someone as we can. Again, whether we are the one lacking or they are we can potentially keep ourselves from the blessing of relationship when we allow this ugliness to take hold in our hearts. I have seen it happen, I confess to letting it happen. But we can't. That would fit right into Satan's plan wouldn't it?  

All these are true, but on the other hand when women of God have a heart that celebrates each others strengths rather than let Satan use them against us, what a blessing we can be to each other! How precious when a sister in Christ can humbly encourage other because she is so thankful for her gifts. How blessed is a gal who is encouraged to be everything she can be, rather than discouraged by those who give into this temptation? 

This is a struggle that we come by easily. Satan uses it powerfully among us gals. We have to disallow it though, gals. We can't let these seeds permeate our hearts, minds and spirits. We must resist these lies that set themselves against God's truth in our lives. 

So, let me share this challenge today. 

"We destroy every proud obstacle that keeps people from knowing God. We capture their rebellious thoughts and teach them to obey Christ." 2 Corinthians 10:5 (NLT)

"We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ." 2 Corinthians 10: 5 (NIV)

Yes, let's do.  Here are some tricks I have used to help me, maybe they will you too. 

Deny yourself looking at things that create that feeling. Is it someone's Facebook posts? Is it being on Pinterest a source of stress for you, rather than a blessing? Is it looking at magazines, reading books, or reading blog posts? Aside from separating yourself from that person (which would be allowing that thing to hurt your relationship) ...stop it! Identify what puts you in that weakened state, and stop it. Hide Facebook posts (or maybe, just stay away from it for a bit!), take a break from blogs or Pinterest. It is not always that easy, but if it sis something you can separate yourself from, do it. 

Change your perspective. Ask God to show give you a heart of celebration for those people and their strengths instead. Rather than allowing Satan to give you sense of weakness when you recognize another's strength, ask God to give you an vision for recognizing another's gifts. If you are really up for the task, tell them you recognize that gift in them. It will help. I promise!

We are too perfectly made to be the apples God wants us to compare ourselves. Let's strive not to.

Fighting to take these thoughts captive, 

I am thinking about comparisons this week. We are talking about the 5th lesson in the Everything You Need bible study with my group of ladies at church. We are working through some of the things that we struggle with that can cause us to misuse what God has given us as part of our "everything". 

One of our ladies gave an illustration a few weeks ago that keeps popping into my head. For some reason, it struck a cord with me. Maybe it did because I struggle with both not trying to be someone else, and with feeling like I need to be. Her illustration was simple:

"You never see an apple straining to be an apple. You don't see it working itself into a sweat trying to grow and ripen. You also don't see it trying to be an orange. It just does what it is supposed to do, and that is just be an apple." 

Now, that may not strike you as strongly as it struck me but it hit me like a ton of bricks. The illustration has a number of lessons. First, if I am an apple I don't need to be anything else. I just need to be an apple. I don't need to try to be anything but what I am. I don't need to be a different kind of fruit or even another kind of apple, just the kind I am. If I am a Gala apple, I need to just be that. I don't need to try really, really hard to be a Red Delicious. 

Second, allowing God to do the growing and changing is way easier than trying to do it myself. Really, God does it either way. One way, I put a whole lot of effort into it. Just be what I am. Let God do the growing. Don't try so hard to be something God already created you to be.

Third, and maybe most potently it takes a whole lot less energy to just be what God created you to be than it does to try to be something else. 

Are you a mother? Then just rest in the fact that God has you there right now. Don't look at any other apples and try to be what they are. You are the kind of apple God made you. You are growing your own little future apples (I really like this metaphor :) but those aren't the same ones being grown on the next tree.  

Are you wishing you were a mother? Heart-wrenching sis, but rest in the timing of the perfect Grower. Easy for me to say, I know. But hang in there. 

Are you a wife in a struggling marriage? Hard, I know but what an amazing fruit God is growing in you. Rest in him. 

Are you struggling with illness right now? Its not really fair to look around and see so many other fruits enjoying a perfect season, while you struggle but be where you are. The apples with the worms are the sweetest! :) 

Are you just not where you want to be right now? Remember all fruit has seasons. God's important work is done in all of them. Rest in his timing and in your season. 

Here is the honest truth. I don't know where you are, what areas you compare yourself in. I don't know what gives you that sense of "not-enough" or what cause that "wish-I-was". All I know is that I struggle with my own, and I need reminding that God has us where he needs us to grow the best. When we have a heart willing to submit to the Grower, he will be faithful. He will prune us, and tend to us and create in us what he has planned all along. It will be so much easier if we just rest, and let him have his perfect work in us. 

Be an apple. Stop struggling so hard. 

We are going to keep thinking about this topic. There is still plenty to say about it. But let that mull for a bit. I am praying for you sweet sister. 

A fellow apple,

1 Timothy 1:19, "fight the good fight, holding on to faith and a good conscious." 

These words were written as an encouragement from an older minister to a younger one. This minister was one who for sure struggled with keeping a "good conscious". We know he did because he was pretty open about it throughout his letters. This older man was Paul, and he was ministering and prepping Timothy for continuing the Lord's work. I love how he encourages Timothy with these powerful words, "fight the good fight!". I love even more how he includes two things that would be included in that fight, "holding to faith and a good conscious."

What would the opposite of a "good conscious" be? It is something we girls know really well, dare I say better than maybe Tim did. That is, feeling a guilty conscious instead. I think this is referring to things that cause our spirit to feel guilty, when we really aren't. This isn't the kind of reforming, repentant guilt that can be beneficial to our relationship with God, but the kind that we fight off. 

You know that I mean? I'm talking about the kind of guilt that chokes us;  the kind that we can name at a moments notice. I'm talking about the kind that haunts mothers of little ones while they sleep, and the kind that mothers whose kids have left home lose sleep over. This is the kind of guilt that gives us heartburn and brings tears to our eyes. 

I asked my Facebook friends what causes them to feel guilty. I always find these questions so interesting because not only can I count on a good number of responses, but because I can find myself in each one of their confessions. I see myself in each heavy heart that shares what burdens of guilt they carry. 

Here are a few of them. See if you can relate...


 I feel guilty over my adult childrens' choices sometimes
Losing my patience with my kids.
 I feel guilty when I don't do enough for everyone
Wish I was more intentional with my kids
Not keeping my house clean/ caught up with chores
I feel guilty that I'm not present where I need to be
Not saying "yes" to all of those good deeds/needs
I feel guilty for acknowledging that I need to do something for me
I feel guilty I can't be me
Not spending enough intentional time with God 
Not knowing what the best decision is regarding priorities
Not having the house picked up when my husband gets home
I demand perfection from my kid, sometimes knowing full well they cannot achieve it 

Ever feel this way...

If I'm still, I ought to be moving....if I'm moving, I'm not being relational...if I'm doing chores, have I chosen the ones that are most important for today? If I'm taking a break to slow down, am I using the time I have by being at home in the best way?

I feel guilty even when I'm doing good things because I'm not doing other good things

And, after all of us share, we feel guilty for feeling guilty, don't we?! 

We are a mess of guilty feelings. Those come easy. They are right there, punches from the enemy. These things, and many more are like strong right hooks that Satan uses to drain us of our resources so that we don't have enough to fight back with. 

But, we have to fight like God's girls y'all!  We can't let the enemy convince us that we are so much less than we are. We can't let him distract us from the good we are doing. We can't take our sight away from what good work we have succeeded at, and work we have done well. One of my favorite encouragements lately, has been when a woman of God says to me, "You are doing exactly what God needs to be doing." And, for most of us that is right!  If we are striving to be God's women (yes, of COURSE you could strive more - We all could!), if we love Him the most (yes, of course do you could more to show that! ..we all could!), if we love our children with the unconditional love that is God-injected into our hearts (our mistakes don't change that!) and if we are truly desiring to be the wives, friends, sisters and mothers that God wants us to be... then we are doing just what God needs us to be doing. 

You are doing just what God needs you to be doing, sis. 

Punch Satan in the face. Fight like God's girl. Don't be beat down by guilt. 

Listen to this, "Dear children, let us not love with words or tongue but with actions (i.e., love on those babies, grand babies, husbands, homes. Do what you do in love), and in truth. This then is how we know that we belong to truth and how we set our hearts at rest in his presence (i.e., NOT feel guilty when our heart tells us to!) whenever our hearts condemns us (NOTE: your heart doesn't always tell the truth!). For God is greater than our hearts, and he knows everything (including the desires of your heart, and the desire you have to be everything He wants to be.)"  1 John 3:18-20 

Fight like God's girls. Fight a good fight for that good conscious. Timothy struggled with holding that guilty conscious at bay, and he ain't got nothing on us! 

So, God tells us in Ephesians 2:10 that we were created as a "masterpiece", we were created for "good works which God prepared beforehand". 

Our Good Work is sometimes hard to nail down. Its sometimes hard to decide which of the 1000 things on our plate fit into the category of divinely-appointed and which ones aren't worthy of such a designation. Sometimes, its hard to sort through the good things we are supposed to do, and the ones we need to let go of. Sometimes we are conflicted about the best things that we need to do. Sometimes have no idea if we are doing God's work or not. 

Sometimes. Sometimes though, we know as clear as we know the nose on our face that we are smack dab in the middle of God's work. Sometimes we know we are in the midst of something God is doing, simply because there is no way out of it. :) Sometimes that means good, exciting things and sometimes it doesn't feel that way. 

Maybe you are pregnant with a child that was "unplanned" (by you sis, not by Him :), maybe you are in new health battle, or maybe you have been handed a new task. Maybe your task is to be a loving step-mother, a graceful ex-wife, or a the wife of a man who is getting all the glory. Maybe you are the one getting the attention. Maybe you are being called to stay at home with your kids, or to go to work. Maybe you are in a marriage with struggles. Maybe you are being called (or required) to live simply. Maybe you have been called up into a leadership position. Maybe you have been called to a new place, a new job, or a new home. Maybe you are finding yourself amidst all of your dreams coming true, or maybe you aren't even close to where you thought you would ever be.  

Maybe you are happy with this obvious God-plan, and maybe you aren't. 

Either way, at times we may realize we are caught up in something we can't get out of whether we want to or not, but we be feel like we just don't have what we need to live it God's way. We know God is in control, so we trust this is all part of this perfect plans but we still feel ill-equipped. 

I am feeling that way right now. I know that there are a number of things that God is doing in my life.  I know it. I know that each of the several "big" things are God-placed, God-inspired and even God- blessed. I know they are part of my Good Work. I know that I prayed for them, I know that they are happening because God wants them to be. Right now, all my big things are good things. Even then, I feel ill-equipped for several of those things, or at least parts of several of those things. 

This awareness means several things to me. 

It's beyond me. It's bigger than I am. Somehow, someway this is part of God's plan for me and part of His will for my part of my network. Somehow, this fits into His puzzle. I may not understand how I fit in, but I do. 

I can't say "no" to it. The task is mine; good, bad or ugly. My heart knows it. The work has been delegated and I am it. I can't say no, I can't duck out. I can't delegate it to someone else. It is mine. I can't simply take a few steps back and trust someone else will take it up. The job is yours, sista.


And finally, if both of those are true then the most important part...


I have what I need.  I do. If God has me here, then I will be well equipped. I may not feel it, or can't perceive of how I will be, but I will be. God always wants to be seen through these things, whatever they are. He is always here. He loves me, He knows I am here. He says I am where He needs me to be, whether I think so or not. I may not see the resources from where I am, but they are there. Or, they will be when I need them. 

Deep breath. Do the next thing He has in front of you. Do with as if it was God you were serving (cause, you are). Trust Him. Let Him use you wherever He has you. 

And remember, "He is able to make all grace abound to you, so that in all things, at all times, having all the you need you will abound in every good work." 2 Corinthians 9:8 ...now, get to work sis! 

What Good Work are you in the midst of whether you like it or not?  Do share :)